When a woman experiences a serious relationship, she is usually dreaming about a happy endless love, tearless and harmonic. But sometimes life brings us tests that some of us can’t cope with. Sometimes a beloved man leaves… Some women find strength to get over this and start a new life without him; others are ready to do everything to get ex boyfriend back. Is it possible?
First step
The first and most important step is to figure it all out: why do you want him so back? Is it a sincere and true love? Or maybe a wish to revenge? Do you feel like you own him? If you want your man back only because you feel humiliated having been left or because you want to ruin his life-that won’t work.
Also take account his reasons: why did he leave you? Was it for another woman? Was it because he feels love’s gone away? Depending on the reason you will have to forget yourself or him. You have to make sure if you’re really able to forgive your ex or forgive yourself/change yourself and fight for your love.
Second step
Try to find something that you share in common, that is left between you. You can’t bring back someone who left for the world’s end and has no connection with you. You can’t bring back a man who left and now you have not even a slight possibility to talk to him. Try to remember everything what’s nice and important, what bonds you. It’s not easy to end it all and leave all behind if there are feelings and a motive for getting back. Maybe it’s children, or even a pet, friends or a common job, memories… But think not only about your wishes, but about his interests and wishes. Get into his shoes.
Third step
Analyze the situation without emotions. Think of mistakes he made. Think of mistakes you made-maybe they pushed him to this break up. It might be only a small random disagreement, but it might be a regular scandal that you made. Maybe the lack of love and attention. Try to analyze as much as you can, remember his emotions or comments. The more you understand him, the better chance to bring your ex back. But you have to free yourself from all the illusions. For instance, if he’s a womanizer, it’s high time you admitted that and let him go for good. If you’re a ‘passionate’ woman that gifted him with slaps in the face rather than kisses, admit your wrong ways of approaching things. And remember, in an ending relationship both sides share the guilt. Don’t blame it all on your partner or yourself, think rationally.
Fourth step
If you are sure you know the reasons he left you, think honestly: would you give him what he wants if there’s another chance? If you still think his needs and wishes are simply his caprices you must fight with and that he still needs to be educated…it is worthless to get ex boyfriend back then. It is better to find a man whose needs are more like yours.
If you feel that it was you that sometimes was too needy and didn’t really understand him or put your needs in front, then you will have to try to change some of your behavior. Changing oneself is practically impossible or really hard to do. But if you really love, you will have to work on some of your character features and behavior. Of course, you can’t lose your own self trying to please him. Just remove the features that were disturbing and not letting your lover see you as the one and only.
Fifth step
So, you understood your or his mistakes, you found strength to deal with yourself or forgive him, and you found a pretext to stay together. Now everything’s in your hands. Be patient. Meet him, but remember-the aim of your first meetings should be a simple reconciliation. You should apologize/ tell him you forgive him. You might have to listen a lot from him even if this might not be the most pleasant things you ever heard. Be careful, don’t make it all into another clearance or explanation of relationship full of pretensions.
Sixth step
Don’t be needy. Trying to get your man back at whatever the price is not an option. Your ex can come back to you immediately, but he might not either. It might take time for him to figure his needs. Don’t beg him, don’t cry or justify yourself every time you see him. It won’t let him take a right decision.
Don’t depend on him. He mustn’t feel suffocated with your love; he needs to feel some independency. Eventually, don’t revenge him, no matter how it hurts.
Not every woman is lucky to bring her man back. Some men leave even if they still love, but it might be hard to convince them you will change for the better.
Only if there is something you both feel you still share, like memories, love, good moments, and only if both of you are ready to compromise, only then love can revive.
Because “Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone; it has to be made – like bread, remade all the time, made new.”-Ursula LeGuin.
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